I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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