By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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