he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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