drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
