Your mouth is God's brothel.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize