Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
