So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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