Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
