The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
