I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
