There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
