he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
