i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
