I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
