I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
