The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
