i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
last night I used snow as a chaser
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
