hell yes lets make some ravioli
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
