My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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