I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think my tv is drunk
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
