Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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