Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
