People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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