he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
