Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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