why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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