i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Farmville is her only friend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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