i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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