Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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