For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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