Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
