Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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