Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
