planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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