Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
