You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
