Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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