i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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