And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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