I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
