hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
