dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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