I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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