No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Non-Jews are for practice
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
