why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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