Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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