Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
