I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
