I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wakey wakey hands off snakey
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
