youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i think my cat just said my name.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
