That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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