he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
