Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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