I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
