Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
