I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
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Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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