You're a womanizer and a bitch.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
