Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
