Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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