She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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