He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
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You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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