I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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