think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
