i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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