If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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