Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
