We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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