I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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