also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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