what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
