If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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