Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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