K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
