my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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