i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
