My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
