you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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